I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
