I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
