the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
