I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
