and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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