Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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