your room smells of hookers.
And success
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
