College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
