Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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