i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
