$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
