Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
