He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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