I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.