saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.