i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize