What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life