Who wears a wallet chain?!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.