Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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