Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your cock deserves a montage
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.