dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
