I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
