I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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