i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
