Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
