So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
