why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is the high leading the old right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A bitchslap is in order.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
