my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
