getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
