I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
