Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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