I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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