cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
