Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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