I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
