Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
