i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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