If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
