none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
