I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
