I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
