I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
