one might say we're banned from that church
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
