Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
