Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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