you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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