I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
