Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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