we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
