she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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