What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
