yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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