Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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