im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
