It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
