I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
