i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
