So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
