Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
