i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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