i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
