he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
