new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
