a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
