i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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