guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
