just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
