oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
