State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i came on her dog
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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