do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
