I bet he comes in French.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
