Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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