they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
