nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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