1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
