I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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