Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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