Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
