I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
