I just threw up on my dentist
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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