Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
